I am in a vortex of obligation.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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