Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
