Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
