I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
