He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
