dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
