theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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