Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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