Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
