I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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