I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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