well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
