I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
