apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
