I love black thongs
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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