do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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