ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
