thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
