I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
