He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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