Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
