fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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