Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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