i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You ruined the universe
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
