Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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