I have demons in me.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
