I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
