finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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