the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
