Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
zippers are such a cool invention
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hippo gnu deer
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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