you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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