Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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