dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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