So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
