guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
