I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
