After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
