I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
