dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
