Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It was like getting head from an anaconda
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
