i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
