I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
