Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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