Umm I'm too high to move.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
