He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
