I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
