Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
