Don't make out with my wife yet
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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