i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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