Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
