"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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