Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
