with your own penis?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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