So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You don't make any sense
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