I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
